Punishment & Reward Ideas for Submissives
Keeping a submissive on their best behaviour can be great fun. But what happens when they decide to test you? Well... that depends on whether your idea of punishment is something they'll dread or secretly hope you'll choose.
Punishments and rewards are a huge part of many Dom/sub relationships, but there's more to them than spanking someone when they misbehave and calling them a good boy when they get something right. The best ideas play with privileges, anticipation, obedience, frustration, service, embarrassment and pleasure. And, of course, that little question you want your sub asking themselves: what happens if I disobey?
So, whether you want fresh ideas for your partner or are considering a session with a professional submissive, we have put together some advice inspired by experienced Mistresses and London submissive escorts who know a thing or two about power exchange.
Contents:
- The Differences Between Punishment, Funishment & Rewards
- Take Away the Privileges They Actually Care About
- Turn Service Into the Punishment
- Build Frustration With These Sexual Punishments
- Try These Humiliation Punishments
- Punishments That Work Better for Couples & Ongoing D/s
- Rewards Worth Being Good For
- Has Your Submissive Earned a Reward?
The Differences Between Punishment, Funishment & Rewards
If your submissive loves nothing more than being spanked, bending them over and giving them twenty smacks for breaking a rule isn't exactly a punishment, is it? Instead, you may have just rewarded bad behaviour with precisely what they wanted. The same applies to pegging, bondage, humiliation, foot worship, edging, chastity and pretty much every other BDSM activity. One sub's punishment is another sub's pleasure.
A genuine punishment is normally something the submissive would rather avoid but has already consented to as part of the dynamic. A funishment, meanwhile, is technically presented as punishment but is ultimately designed to be pleasurable for both people. For example, a classic spanking is a funishment when everyone knows perfectly well the submissive has been dying for it all evening.
The trick is knowing what your submissive actually enjoys, and what they'd rather avoid. A foot fetishist might happily accept twenty minutes of boot worship as their punishment. Tell them they've lost the privilege of touching your boots for the rest of the session, however, and you may get a very different reaction. Of course, if you're both just looking for an excuse to get the paddle out, there's nothing wrong with a little funishment either.
And what about rewards? If your sub has followed every instruction, resisted temptation or completed a task without complaining, you could reward them with a favourite activity, an extra privilege, some attention or a bit of well-earned praise. The point isn't to hand out something you think they should like. It's to offer something you know they'll want to earn.
Not sure what motivates the person on the receiving end? Our guide to different types of submissives might give you a few ideas.
Take Away the Privileges They Care About
Some of the most effective punishments involve taking something away rather than inflicting more pain.
In an agreed scene, you might temporarily take away privileges such as:
- Permission to touch you
- Permission to masturbate
- Permission to orgasm
- Permission to speak unless spoken to
- Permission to look directly at you
- Permission to sit on the bed, sofa or other furniture
- Permission to stand rather than kneel
- Permission to worship your feet or boots
- Permission to choose between toys or activities
- Permission to use your name or preferred title casually
Turn Service Into the Punishment
Punishing your sub by telling him or her to do a chore is all well and good, but how you make them do it is where the fun lies.
You could have your submissive kneel while removing your shoes, polish your boots until you approve of the shine, hold your drink while you relax, organise your toys, crawl across the room when summoned or wait quietly beside your chair for their next instruction.
One particularly devious idea is to give your submissive a job as an inanimate object. They might become:
- A footstool while you relax
- A cushion for your feet
- A drink holder who is expected to remain perfectly still
- A clothes stand while you decide what to wear
- A little table beside your chair
- A human seat or support, where appropriate and comfortable
You can also keep the tasks coming while offering very little attention in return. For a submissive who usually thrives on your praise, having to work for it can make for a nice change. Just remember to agree what kind of service and treatment they're happy with before turning them into your personal furniture.
Want to know what good service looks like from the other side? Our guide to how to serve your Mistress properly is full of ideas you could put your sub to work on.
Build Frustration With These Sexual Punishments
Some submissives will take a caning without blinking. Tell them they're not allowed to touch themselves, however, and suddenly you have their full attention.
Orgasm denial is probably the obvious example, but there are plenty of ways to make spice things up. You might allow masturbation but forbid orgasm, give permission for a little touching before ordering hands away, or change the activity just when your submissive thinks they've finally earned a reward. Or, if you fancy, you could make the punishment entirely about temptation. Your sub might be told to sit with their hands behind their back while something they've been looking forward to remains just out of reach. They can ask and plead, but until you change the rules, the answer is still no.
Other frustration-based ideas include:
- No self-touch: Your sub must ask before touching themselves, even if it would normally be permitted.
- Ask before touching: Every intimate touch requires your explicit permission.
- Chastity: Access is physically restricted for the agreed period.
- Earn a release: Your sub completes an agreed task, or number of commands, before you even consider permission to orgasm.
- Disappointed expectations: Your sub thinks a reward is coming, only to discover you have another agreed task for them first.
For longer-term couples, these rules can extend beyond a single scene through agreed chastity or restrictions on masturbation. With a professional submissive escort, you can explore the same power dynamic within the appointment instead.
Interested in making control and anticipation part of a scene? Our guide to orgasm control with a Dominatrix explores the topic from the other side of the power exchange.
Try These Humiliation Punishments
Nothing wrong with a little name-calling... but if calling your sub a slut is the full extent of your humiliation repertoire, perhaps it's time to get a little more creative.
The best humiliation ideas play with your submissive's status, presentation, dignity or self-consciousness, always within boundaries you have both agreed to, of course.
Body writing is one example. You could write an agreed word or phrase on your sub and leave them looking at the evidence for the rest of the session.
Speech rules are another. You could ban the word "I" for part of a scene and have your sub use an agreed title instead. Or insist that every request begins with "May this submissive...", even when all they want is a drink of water.
Presentation punishments can involve clothing or roleplay. If your submissive enjoys feminisation, for example, you might choose a maid outfit for them. Someone interested in pet play might be given a collar and a few house rules.
Mirror work is another option. You might ask your sub to watch themselves while practising a posture, wearing an agreed outfit or repeating an embarrassing phrase.
Looking for inspiration from experienced professionals? Browse the humiliation services offered by our London Mistresses to see the kinds of scenarios people explore.
Punishments That Work Better for Couples & Ongoing D/s
If you have a regular submissive partner, you can build rules around everyday routines in ways that wouldn't make sense during a professional appointment. Depending on what you've both agreed, you could try:
Extra chores: Choose one specific extra job, explain what counts as properly finished and ask your sub to report back when it's done.
Early bedtime: If bedtime rules are already part of your dynamic, an agreed earlier bedtime can replace an evening of television, gaming or scrolling.
Extra check-ins: If your sub normally reports in morning and evening, you might add a temporary midday check-in, provided it fits around their real-life commitments.
Temporary loss of choices: You could choose dinner, entertainment, an outfit or another small everyday decision for an agreed period, so long as those choices are genuinely yours to make within the dynamic.
Loss of favourite privileges: Does your sub normally choose Saturday's activity, sleep in on Sunday or get a task-free evening each week? Temporarily withholding one of those agreed extras may mean more than inventing a new punishment.
Written accountability: Essays, apology letters and punishment diaries give you something to read together later, making them more useful in an ongoing relationship than a one-off session.
Under-the-desk service: Another option is having your sub sit or kneel beside your desk for an agreed period while you work. You basically carry on with ordinary life while they follow a rule you set.
Rewards Worth Being Good For
First, a reward shouldn't be basic kindness dressed up as a privilege. Respect, communication and aftercare aren't prizes your submissive has to earn. They're part of the arrangement from the start.
A good reward is an extra privilege or experience you know your submissive will genuinely appreciate.
Earn the Right to Touch You
Suppose you've told your sub to keep their hands to themselves for part of a session. They follow your instructions, complete their tasks and earn five minutes of touching an agreed area. You have made a fairly small privilege feel like something worth working for.
Earn an Orgasm
Yes, orgasm is an obvious reward. The fun part is deciding what your sub needs to do to earn it.
You could set three tasks and agree that completing all three earns permission to masturbate or orgasm. If a task is missed, you might offer a chance to try again or save that reward for another time. If chastity is already part of your agreed dynamic, temporary release from the device could be the reward itself.
Choose Something From Your Toy Collection
If you normally pick every toy or activity, let a particularly well-behaved submissive choose what comes next for a change. Of course, you can still set the limits. Put three suitable options in front of them and let them choose one.
Earn a Desired Scene
For an ongoing couple, a bigger reward could be a scene or activity that has been sitting on your submissive's wish list. Perhaps they've asked to explore a new roleplay, try a particular toy or spend longer on their favourite type of service. Agreeing on a special session in advance also gives them something to look forward to.
Temporary Freedom
Sometimes you can make a submissive very happy simply by relaxing a rule for a while. You might offer them:
- One task-free evening
- The right to choose the next date
- A lie-in with no morning protocol
- A single veto on an upcoming task
- An hour where ordinary household rules are relaxed
- The ability to choose the next BDSM scene theme
A Symbol They Had to Earn
A collar, piece of jewellery, new cuffs, an outfit you've chosen together, or another private token can make a milestone feel very memorable. Every time they see or wear it, your submissive has a reminder of what they achieved.
Has Your Submissive Earned a Reward?
The best punishments and rewards are the ones that show you've paid attention to what makes your submissive tick.
Perhaps your sub would cheerfully accept twenty strokes of the paddle but absolutely hates losing permission to touch you. Maybe they love being given little jobs, yet find five minutes of silence more challenging than any elaborate punishment. Or perhaps you've discovered that a few words of praise are enough to keep them on their very best behaviour.
If you fancy putting some of these ideas into practice with someone, explore our full gallery of London dominatrix escorts. Find someone whose interests and limits suit your own, and you can discuss the sort of scene you'd both enjoy before deciding whether they deserve a reward... or a little correction.
